The Journey Is The Destination

Last night I was on a date with my wife and she asked me “what are some of your favorite memories from your childhood”. I listed a few things and one of them was when I got to go to Disney World, but probably not for the reasons you’d expect.

I got to live every young child’s dream! I got to go to Disney World at the age of 12. My grandparents decided to take me and one of my sisters on a trip from Michigan all the way to Florida to have this once in a lifetime experience. Instead of flying, we decided to drive the whole way and looking back, this trip has made me someone that to this day, I’d rather drive than fly.

My grandparents went to a Methodist church. The Methodist church at the time had an incredible resource to help people that traveled. It was a book of Methodist people all over the United States that were willing to open up their homes and let guests stay with them for free. This was long before Airbnb and even better because it was free! We broke the long trip up into multiple nights and stayed with 3 families we had never met before. Each family unique in its own way but incredibly hospitable.

I remember stopping to see the blue grass in Kentucky, taking pictures at monuments, stopping to skip rocks in a fresh water stream, mapping out the next section of the trip on our map since GPS wasn’t around yet.

As I started telling my wife how much I loved my trip to Disney World I had a realization that caused me to audibly pause. I realized that nothing I was telling her about the trip had anything to do with Disney World. It had everything to do with the journey of getting there. Truth be told, I barely remember what it was like to walk around Disney, ride the rides and take pictures with famous characters.

If you told me when I was 12 that I’d remember the trip more than Disney itself, I wouldn’t have believed you. Disney is a dream! Every kids dream! And I got to go!

It’s taken me all these years to realize that it’s not about where you’re going but who you’re going with and what you’re experiencing along the way.

It’s too easy to become consumed with achieving certain goals that we fail to realize that the lessons along the way are what make the achievement truly special. We all have goals for our careers, families, finances, relationships, etc but when is the last time you’ve stopped to realize that you’re doing it? You’re right in the thick of it. You may not be at that end goal but you’re on your way.

What are the lessons you’re learning right now? What are you experiencing in this season? Who are the people your journeying with? 20 years from now these are the things that you’re going to remember more than what you’ve accomplished.

I want to raise kids that love God, love others and give back. This is my goal for them. I can’t overlook the here and now at the expense of the goal. Each moment of them yelling at each other, not sharing, throwing fits, etc is an opportunity for my wife and I to intentionally mold them toward that ultimate goal. They won’t magically arrive there without us being fully invested in the journey.

That promotion you want isn’t going to fall into your lap on its own. It can however happen when you stop looking at your current position as an obstacle and start viewing it as an opportunity to learn and grow into the person you need to be in order to sustain the promotion.

The destination isn’t the journey, the journey is the destination.

Embrace your journey. Be intentional in your journey. Map it out, adjust when needed, but don’t let the long range view of your destination rob you of the deep treasure of joy and lessons buried in the here and now.

Readjusting Church Culture

By now you’ve most likely heard about the tragically sad story of Andrew Stoecklein. For those unfamiliar, Andrew was a lead pastor in California that battled depression and anxiety. To the shock of his family and church, Andrew took his own life on August 24 2018.

I’ve been heavy hearted and tearful since the news broke. I don’t know Andrew anymore than I’m related to Beyonce but this still impacted me far more than I thought it would. Why?

This isn’t supposed to happen to pastors.

If we were honest, many of us had this thought or one similar to it. It’s the reason why this story was received so much publicity and has gone viral.

We’ve reached a place in church culture where pastors have been placed on pedestals. They’re expected to be entertaining, engaging, theologians, comedians, counselors, etc. They’re expected to be many things, except human. In Andrews own words he states how he felt in ministry: “You know the nature of the role (of pastoring) these days, with social media and the spotlight.. we had a lot of stalkers”. Stalkers? Who has stalkers? Celebrities, athletes, royalty… but a pastor? The position of pastoring was never meant to be one of fame and fan fair. This mentality has become a cyclical process of destruction. People praise pastors rather than God so they begin to build God-like expectations of pastors. Then pastors begin to crave the attention and the spotlight because, who are we kidding.. it feels good. We lift someone up, they let us down, we move on to the next one, the process continues. 

Andrew shares that the stalking got to the point where his family and his mom had to sell their homes. He says the stalkers were the tipping point of a downward 7 month spiral that eventually led to a panic attack that left him crippled on the bathroom floor.

After the panic attacks began, Inland Hills gave Andrew a nearly 4 month sabbatical to receive help. During this course of time Kayla, Andrews wife begged him not to return to pastoring. She saw the weight it put on her husband. “During this season of rest I’ve asked him over and over again “Are you sure? You don’t have to be a pastor. Are you sure? You can go be whatever you want to be, we could go live wherever we want to live, we could go to Texas and buy a big house” said Kayla. Andrew insisted on returning to the church and said he had to follow his calling, Kayla eventually agreed.

Through all of the pressure, anxiety and depression Andrew returned to pastoring because of his conviction of his calling and his love for his congregants. Kayla said “you guys, he loves this place so much, he didn’t want to stop. He would’ve kept on going, and going and going. It would’ve cost him his life”. Unfortunately now we know that it did.

I’ve been grieving ever since this story broke. I currently serve as a youth pastor in Baltimore and the thought of another pastor feeling this way is unbearable. But Andrew is just one man. My fear is that this culture we’ve created in churches has boxed in many others that feel the same as Andrew but their stories may not go viral. We have to correct this trend before it claims more lives.

I just wanted to share a couple brief thoughts on what we can all do to change course:

1. Pastors are people – This story has spread so quickly because of the initial “this isn’t supposed to happen to a pastor” shock. The reality is that thought already shows a skewed mentality that elevates a person above their humanity because of their title. Pastors are people and as such will inevitably have seasons of difficulty they need to work through. They shouldn’t feel forced to hide them because of “what people might think”.
2. Pastors aren’t superheroes, they need help – Too many times pastors are forced to take on more than they can handle because they aren’t able to find people to share responsibilities with. Running a church is a lot work, discipling people is a lot of work, checking up on other is a lot of work. No matter what church you go to, I can guarantee you right now that your pastor could use your help! Lightening the load on your pastors shoulders is one of the greatest ways you can help them. Many hands make light work.
3. Pastors aren’t superior – Being on a stage doesn’t make you superior. Holding a microphone doesn’t make you superior. In the church, titles don’t even make you superior. This point is equally important for pastors and congregants to remember. We are many parts but one body. Scripture doesn’t elevate one calling over another. Each person, each gift, each position is uniquely important in completing the picture and purpose of the church. View your pastor as your neighbor, not your boss. Pastors, view your congregants as your friends, not your children.
4. Give room for grace – Church is the one place where it should be okay to not be okay. From a hurting pastor to a lost and broken first time guest, church should be the place where we allow other to see us as we are. There’s no healing on facades, only in openness. In order to treat a wound, you have to first be willing to let it be exposed. It’s time for the church to make room for grace again. Stop acting like you’ve got it all together because regardless of what your social media reflects, we’ll all need the help of others at some point. This is what the church is meant to be

Jesus said “It’s not the healthy that need a doctor, but the sick”. The irony in that statement though is there there are no “healthy”. We’re all “sick” and in need of help. It’s my prayer that the local church can be that place of healing where even the pastor can say “I need help” and receive it without being scorned for not living up to a pedestal that we’ve created.

I’m deeply sorry if anyone reading this is thinking “too soon”. My intention isn’t to disrespect Andrew or his family but rather to start dialogue on this before this trend of toxic church culture claims anyone else.

Faith Like A Fraser Fir

This week I’ve had the pleasure of taking some time to visit my family in Michigan. My mom is in the process of listing our house for sale now that all of us kids have moved out. Since this could very well be my last time walking through this house and on this property, I’ve made my rounds with open and introspective eyes. God has spoken to me personally quite a bit this week but there was one thing that has stood out above the rest so I thought I’d share.

I remember a day almost 15 years ago that my youngest sister came home from school with a miniature tree. It was a Fraser Fir that had just broken through the seed. She was at the point in school where she was learning about trees and how they grow. The teacher gave each student their own tree to take home. I helped her plant her tree in a far back section of our yard. I remember for the next few years after we planted it that I had to remember where it was and make sure I went around it as I cut the grass. Initially the tree was so small that it was barely visible.

As I made my way around the yard I came across her tree. This time there was no looking around to make sure I didn’t squash it, there was no missing it. The tree has grown to be over 16 ft tall with no signs of slowing down!

If you look very closely at the picture you may be able to see that there’s now a large birds nest at the top of the tree. My mind flashed back to all of the close calls I had when I almost cut it down. Had I nicked the tree in its infancy, these birds wouldn’t have been able to take refuge here. The tree wouldn’t have sprouted up and no one would be able to rest in the shade of its shadow. This tree was able to become what it is now for one primary reason, it was able to remain planted.

Taking all of this in, I began to think about faith. I specifically started thinking about the story in Matthew 17:20 where Jesus says “truly I tell you, if you have faith the size as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘move from here to there’, and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you”

I’ve heard this verse quoted more times than I can count. The crux of this it is typically the size of the seed. We focus on “man, just a tiny bit of faith is all I need”. While this may be true, I think there’s a little more to it. I believe that Jesus was referencing the mustard seed for more than its size but also the fact that it is a seed. Like seeds, faith must remain planted to grow. This seems like a simple message but I think it’s more complex than we know.

See, “having faith” isn’t hard. Everyone has faith, the question is simply “faith in what”? I believe people place their faith on 1 of 3 areas:

1) Faith in Self – This is the faith in ones ability to self produce a desired outcome. People that have faith in self are often stubborn and hard headed. If there’s something they need, they’ll do it themselves. They believe they control their own destiny and that their lives are a culmination of the byproduct of the choices they’ve made.

2) Faith in Circumstances – This is faith that believes everything will just work itself out. People that place faith in their circumstances often have a hands off approach to life and are willing to sit back and let the chips fall where they may. This type of faith leads to a “whatever is meant to be, will be” approach to life. This leads to people accepting hardships as their lot in life rather than actively trying to adjust their trajectory.

3) Faith in God – This faith believes that God has a plan and purpose in all things. Putting faith in God isn’t an idle act. It requires consistent connection to the one you’ve put faith in. You don’t have to be in control like the people in number 1 and you aren’t hands off like the people in number 2.

Which one are you? I don’t think the answer is that simple. I believe most people bounce are from one to another. This entails the problem. In one season you may say “I put my faith in God” but when life starts taking you in a direction you don’t like, you take back control of where you’re heading. Many of us want to see our faith grow but we don’t allow it to be properly placed long enough to see the results.

Of the 3 places we often put our faith, God is the only place where that faith duplicates and produces growth. As you put your faith in God and he begins to reveal his faithful nature to you, your faith begins to grow! Faith begets faith.

In the quote where Jesus talks about faith moving mountains we often imagine that in an instantaneous manner. I picture the disciples walking away from that conversation shouting at mountains and wondering why they haven’t budged. It’s hard to keep our faith planted in God sometimes though because what we’re believing for doesn’t happen instantaneously. I always stand amazed when I see a flower that has grown through the concrete in a parking lot. The determination of that seed to stay planted and produce under extreme duress, that’s what it looks like to move mountains. When the flower shoots through the cracks of the ground and begins to form, it has in a small way shifted the concrete and made room for itself to flourish. When your faith in God and is planted for the long haul, it begins to crack the foundation of whatever mountain you’re facing. I’ve watched too many people say “I’m going to put my faith in God” but get frustrated and walk away when the mountain isn’t instantaneously moved. Meanwhile I’m trying to point to the cracks in the foundation to show them “look, it’s moving!”.

Faithful isn’t a character trait of God, it’s who he is. God doesn’t change. He’s the same yesterday, today and forever. How do I know God is going to be faithful today? Because he was faithful yesterday! We have the ability to look back and comb through 66 books of the faithfulness of God. When you begin to lose faith, simply pause and take a moment to reflect on the ways that God has already shown himself faithful to you!

Looking back on my sisters tree, I realized that if I now hit the tree with my lawn mower, it wouldn’t be the tree that budged but the mower. Like seeds, faith is easiest to kill in its infancy. What once would’ve taken this tree down in a literal manner of seconds can now no longer do damage to it. The longer you allow your faith to remain in God rather than self or circumstance, it becomes stronger and more resilient. What once would’ve ripped your faith up but the roots now no longer effects you. Your faith is never more vulnerable than it is in seed form. Allow it the time necessary to cultivate strength to withstand the lawn mowers that lay ahead. As you continue down this path you’ll one day look back and see how the persistence of your faith has blessed others just as the persistence of this tree has provided a home for these birds.

A plant will never be smaller than it is in seed form. As Jesus is speaking of mustard seed sized faith in Matthew 17, the understanding is that a seed can only grow, the same should be true of our faith. Your faith needs 2 things in order to grow: proper placement and longevity. Growth is the byproduct of dedication, it doesn’t come easy but it’s worth it. As your faith grows, look for the broken cracks in the foundation of your mountains as you continue to stay planted! Each small crack is a sign of Gods faithfulness. Stay in it for the long haul!

Most of us have areas where we want to see God show up. The hope is that this simple message about the importance of longevity will help you stay fixed on God long enough to see that mountain begin to shift. For those that’ve never put their faith in God, put him to the test. He delights revealing himself to us! For the ones that are on the brink of losing their faith in him, hold on one more day. Don’t look at the mountain, look at the cracks. For the ones that feel like God promised you something but you’re growing impatient with his timing, keep trusting! Growth is inevitable when we’ve got the properly placement paired with longevity.

God is faithful and faithful is who he is. Hold fast, stay planted, and watch what he begins to move in your life.

The Greatest Misconception Of Christianity

In Flint Michigan, an 8-year-old kid gets out of bed to the sound of gunshots as he was getting ready for school. He looks out his window and sees a lifeless corpse laying on the sidewalk just a few apartments away. A few weeks later this same kid tried to intervene in the middle of a heated argument between his parents only to be pushed aside by his strung-out father. Within the same month, the family comes home to an empty house because the drug-addicted father broke in and pawned whatever he could in order to get his next score.

Fast forward a few years and this kid is now in high school and makes friends with a Christian that keeps talking about this loving God, how great church is and how much he loves his life. This paradigm led to many sleepless nights as I laid awake wondering how this “good God” could allow me to grow up in the environment that I did. Why did I have to grow up in a home where my dad loved drugs more than me (direct quote)? Why did I have to see the things I saw and experience the things that I did? I often felt robbed of a childhood as I (and my siblings) was forced to be comfortable moving around or “going to grandmas for the weekend while dad calms down”. If God loved me, why didn’t my circumstances reflect it?

Each week that I went to school I was invited to church by my  Christian friend Nate Murray. I’d see the joy in his eyes and the bounce in his step as he talked about his love for God. I wanted this joy! I resisted going to church with Nate for a while because there was this deep frustration inside of me about the condition of my life. Eventually, he wore me down. I started going to church with him and kept hearing about this all loving, all knowing, all powerful God and I became hopeful that my life would change if I gave myself to him. Everything would magically be better if I just gave in. So I gave in. Nothing changed. Still 15 years later now, those dynamics haven’t changed.

Frustration is often the byproduct of misplaced or improper expectations. My expectations were that God would wave his magic wand over my life and POOF, it’s all better. But why? That’s not in the scriptures at all. This way of thing has slowly seeped into the minds of people and they may “give church a shot” only to be disappointed when their life looks the same as it did before.

In Matthew 7 Jesus is telling a parable about two separate houses as a means to reflect imagery of what it means to give your life to him. The story goes:

24“Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. 26And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. 27And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.”

It took me a long time to fully understand what this meant. You see, Jesus very easily could’ve told this story and said “For the house that was built on the rock, the storms never came”, but he didn’t. Why? In both scenarios the exact same rain fell, the same floods came, the same wind blew against the house. The circumstances were identical, but the outcome was different.

The book of James tells us to “count it all joy when you face trials of many kinds”. The wording is key here. It never says IF, it says WHEN. James tells us that trials test our faith and when our faith is tested, it produces perseverance. The very thing that you’ve been trying to pray away could be the thing that God is trying to use to grow your faith. Don’t be so quick to paint the character of God using the brushes of your struggle, rather let him reveal himself to you as you gravitate to him through your storms.

So if the Bible doesn’t say Jesus will wave his magic wand at our lives and perform a disappearing act with our pain, what’s the point? The point is that in the parable of the two houses, only one house stood. The focal point of your life isn’t about what you’ve been through but rather who sustains you. Scripture consistently that Jesus is near even when he feels far. He stands in the flames with you, he’s in the boat with you in the midst of your storm, and he’s the ark that preserves you through the floods of life.

Don’t buy into this misconception on Christianity. I believe we see people fall away from their faith because they come to it with misplaced or improper expectations and that frustration pushes them away. Life isn’t a matter of “if storms” but rather “when storms“, and there’s only one foundation that endures through it all.

Get Your Head In The Clouds

From elementary school to Halloween, we instill in children at a young age that they can be anything they want to be and do anything they want to do. In your average first grade class, you’ll hear ambitious answers to the question “what do you want to be when you grow up”. You’ll hear “doctor”, “lawyer”, “first ____ president”, and so on. However, looking back over my childhood and reminiscing on many of the answers I used to hear my peers say, I’m sad to say an overwhelming minority actually achieved their goals.

We encourage kids to dream as much as possible but somewhere along the way dreaming is seen as being absent minded. When and why does this happen? We look at people that have lofty goals yet seem to be far off from achieving them and say “they’ve got their head in the clouds”. I believe what happens is life has a way of beating us into mediocrity. You experience some failures, some heartbreak, some scars, and bruises so you begin to accept a limited scope of what you’re life could be. It’s easier to accept current mediocrity than to strive for the unknown risks associated with big dreams. Our edges get chipped off and our dreams stripped away as we suddenly begin to become just another round peg in a round hole. As we begin to lower the bar for ourselves, we hold others to that same lowered bar so the dreamers begin to look “crazy”. Adulthood is the place where dreams go to die far too often.

Sometimes I think back to the childhood version of myself and wonder if he’d be satisfied with what I’ve achieved so far. If you ask yourself that same question and the answer is “no”, it’s never too late to correct the trajectory of your life. One of the best parts about dreaming is that it isn’t limited by age or circumstance. We need more dreamers in our world today. There’s too much untapped world changing potential going to waste because we’ve allowed ourselves to feel like we’ve missed our window. We need you, to get your head back in the clouds!

I simply want to take a moment today to encourage you to put your head back in the clouds! It’s scary, it’s nerve-racking, it’ll look foolish to those around you at first, but it’ll also be exciting! Life is an adventure you only get to live once so don’t waste it by settling. Make the most out of it by dreaming, and dreaming big! Let the scars of failed dreams of the past not serve as a foreshadowing of what’s to come but rather a reminder of the lessons you’ve already learned that can help you along the way. Scars don’t make you a victim, they make you a survivor! If we can pair the innocence of childlike dreaming with the wisdom of adulthood experience, there’s no limit to what you can do.

Here are a few things you can do to stick your head back in the clouds and leave it there:

1. Journal – As you begin to make an intentional effort to start dreaming again, it’s important to write down what comes to mind. It’s easy to dismiss ideas but through journaling, you can notice trends and those trends are usually trying to lead you somewhere. 
2. Surround – In a world where mediocrity has become the norm, dreamers will always look out of place. This is why it’s important for you to surround yourself with people that have big dreams for their lives. Surrounding yourself with other dreamers is also a great way to encourage you on the days where your dreams seem especially distant.
3. Execute – There’s an old saying that says “the dream is free but the hustle is sold separately“. Once you’ve begun to zero in on your dreams, the next step is the practical side of mapping out how to make it possible. This is where the wisdom of adulthood meets the innocence of childlike dreaming. Each step you take in this process brings that dream closer and closer to reality. The beauty of dreaming is as you begin to achieve smaller dreams, your faith will grow to dream bigger dreams!

I’ve always said I want my children to know that the world is a blank canvas waiting for them to leave their mark, but the reality is that the same thing applies to me too! It’s never too late to start dreaming! I for one don’t want to allow life to beat me into this round hole of mediocrity. Would you join me in re-establishing the power of dreams? We’ve got enough clouds but not enough heads in them. Be willing to stand out, be courageous enough to want more for yourself than what’s easy. Dream dreamer!

Soul Food – Why Entertainment Selection Matters

I’m scrolling through Netflix for a new show to watch and under the “trending” section pops up “13 Reasons Why”. At this point I’ve already heard a ton of controversy surrounding the show due to the subject matter. The first episode intrigued me. I wanted to see how this show would unfold the obvious suicide of it’s down to earth, lovable, and relatable Hannah Baker. The show didn’t start out that bad. It depicted typical high school bullying, jealousy over boys, etc.. As the show progressed the content grew darker and more intense. Twice the show depicts rape and in the final episode and shows the actual suicide in uncomfortable detail. Many times I found myself closing my eyes or squirming through the uncomfortable content. I wanted to continue however because of the conversation surrounding the show. I wanted to be informed on what so many students were taking in. As the final episode finished I found myself just sitting on the couch. Still. Silent. Uneasy.

Before you write me off as someone else trashing this show, please continue. There are 2 sides to the conversation surrounding this show right now. The one side says it’s great that this show opens up dialogue on a much-needed topic while the other side is saying it normalizes or glorifies suicide. In that conversation itself, I found myself square in the middle. It has opened up dialogue, but I also think the content can be harmful.

Have you ever had a moment where you were craving something to eat, like a cheeseburger or something sweet to then only moments later feel gross and bogged down after you’ve eaten it? I’m an avid gym goer and attempted dieter and this is pretty much the cycle I go through all the time.  I convince myself that I earned that Chik-Fil-A and that in some way I was doing the lords work by eating it. Moments later on the drive home I get this grumbling in my gut and I know my body is screaming at me “Chik-Fil-A isn’t a post workout meal”!

If consuming unhealthy food makes our bodies react poorly, how much more important is the content that we feed our souls? Luke 11:34 says “Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eyes are healthy, your whole body also is full of light. But when they are unhealthy, your body also is full of darkness.” This helps us to understand that what we allow our eyes to take in, directly impacts our soul and its health. With this in mind, we need to be intentional about what we set our eyes upon. If it isn’t life-giving, that usually means that it’s life taking. There isn’t a neutral line, and if there is, it’s razor thin.

In the same vein Proverbs 4:23 tells us “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it”. If our hearts are the control room for everything in our lives, shouldn’t we do all we can to keep it healthy, including watching what we put into it? Someone is inevitably thinking right now that watching a show doesn’t impact your heart, but ask yourself then, why do you watch shows? We largely watch shows because of the way they make us feel, the emotional journey they take us on, or a specific character we connect with. When we get this invested in something, it absolutely infiltrates our hearts.

I want to be clear, I’m not saying 13 Reasons Why is “wrong” or “sinful”. As someone that has worked in behavioral health and with at-risk youth for 7 years I wholeheartedly agree that our culture needs more dialogue on suicide. I’m simply saying that watching rape and suicide unfold on a screen isn’t the best catalyst for such conversations. Regardless of your opinion on the show, there’s no debating that the content is dark. As we read earlier, whatever our eyes take in, whether darkness or light, your life will produce the same. Rape is dark. Suicide is dark.

This topic isn’t limited to this one show but it’s simply what’s at the forefront of culture right now. Since watching this show I’ve really noted the way it weighed me down and took it as a moment to reflect and recalibrate. What other forms of entertainment was I taking in that aren’t beneficial? While many claim to not pay attention to the lyrics of music, it’s still being blasted into your soul with each play. In 1 Samuel 16 we see King Saul is in torment and the only thing that soothed his soul was David playing his harp. If music has the ability to soothe the soul, it also has the ability to disrupt it.

This isn’t a call to boycott a show, an artist or anything of the sort. I’m writing this simply as a challenge to really sit down and examine what you’re feeding your soul and to watch how it affects you.

Entrainment matters because our souls matter. What we put in us directly impacts what flows from us. What do you want to flow from your life? After you’ve identified that, feed it accordingly.

Parents, here are a couple practical ways to go about this with your children:

1. Have this talk conversationally, not authoritatively. Ask your kids what they’re watching currently, why they like it and what they take away from it. If your child is unwilling, Netflix and Hulu will show you. Having this talk conversationally will go over much better. If you have to limit their access to a certain show or put certain rules in place about what you do and don’t want them watching, explain to them why. As parents, it can be easy to make “because I said so” our default response but be deliberate about explaining your decision. Even if your children disagree with your decision, they’ll know your stance is coming from a place of love.
2. Have parental controls activated on your tv’s and devices. The best way to overcome temptation is to avoid it all together. You’ll be minimizing your child’s temptation by helping them avoid having access to what you deem unhealthy. All electronic devices come with parental controls for a reason now, use them.
3. Watch tv with them. This not only ensures that you are aware of what they’re watching but it’s also an easy path to quality time. Perhaps even find a show or series that you guys can enjoy together to create a common interest.

Your window of influence as a parent begins to minimize when your children move out. Don’t let important conversations like these go unsaid.