I’m scrolling through Netflix for a new show to watch and under the “trending” section pops up “13 Reasons Why”. At this point I’ve already heard a ton of controversy surrounding the show due to the subject matter. The first episode intrigued me. I wanted to see how this show would unfold the obvious suicide of it’s down to earth, lovable, and relatable Hannah Baker. The show didn’t start out that bad. It depicted typical high school bullying, jealousy over boys, etc.. As the show progressed the content grew darker and more intense. Twice the show depicts rape and in the final episode and shows the actual suicide in uncomfortable detail. Many times I found myself closing my eyes or squirming through the uncomfortable content. I wanted to continue however because of the conversation surrounding the show. I wanted to be informed on what so many students were taking in. As the final episode finished I found myself just sitting on the couch. Still. Silent. Uneasy.
Before you write me off as someone else trashing this show, please continue. There are 2 sides to the conversation surrounding this show right now. The one side says it’s great that this show opens up dialogue on a much-needed topic while the other side is saying it normalizes or glorifies suicide. In that conversation itself, I found myself square in the middle. It has opened up dialogue, but I also think the content can be harmful.
Have you ever had a moment where you were craving something to eat, like a cheeseburger or something sweet to then only moments later feel gross and bogged down after you’ve eaten it? I’m an avid gym goer and attempted dieter and this is pretty much the cycle I go through all the time. I convince myself that I earned that Chik-Fil-A and that in some way I was doing the lords work by eating it. Moments later on the drive home I get this grumbling in my gut and I know my body is screaming at me “Chik-Fil-A isn’t a post workout meal”!
If consuming unhealthy food makes our bodies react poorly, how much more important is the content that we feed our souls? Luke 11:34 says “Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eyes are healthy, your whole body also is full of light. But when they are unhealthy, your body also is full of darkness.” This helps us to understand that what we allow our eyes to take in, directly impacts our soul and its health. With this in mind, we need to be intentional about what we set our eyes upon. If it isn’t life-giving, that usually means that it’s life taking. There isn’t a neutral line, and if there is, it’s razor thin.
In the same vein Proverbs 4:23 tells us “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it”. If our hearts are the control room for everything in our lives, shouldn’t we do all we can to keep it healthy, including watching what we put into it? Someone is inevitably thinking right now that watching a show doesn’t impact your heart, but ask yourself then, why do you watch shows? We largely watch shows because of the way they make us feel, the emotional journey they take us on, or a specific character we connect with. When we get this invested in something, it absolutely infiltrates our hearts.
I want to be clear, I’m not saying 13 Reasons Why is “wrong” or “sinful”. As someone that has worked in behavioral health and with at-risk youth for 7 years I wholeheartedly agree that our culture needs more dialogue on suicide. I’m simply saying that watching rape and suicide unfold on a screen isn’t the best catalyst for such conversations. Regardless of your opinion on the show, there’s no debating that the content is dark. As we read earlier, whatever our eyes take in, whether darkness or light, your life will produce the same. Rape is dark. Suicide is dark.
This topic isn’t limited to this one show but it’s simply what’s at the forefront of culture right now. Since watching this show I’ve really noted the way it weighed me down and took it as a moment to reflect and recalibrate. What other forms of entertainment was I taking in that aren’t beneficial? While many claim to not pay attention to the lyrics of music, it’s still being blasted into your soul with each play. In 1 Samuel 16 we see King Saul is in torment and the only thing that soothed his soul was David playing his harp. If music has the ability to soothe the soul, it also has the ability to disrupt it.
This isn’t a call to boycott a show, an artist or anything of the sort. I’m writing this simply as a challenge to really sit down and examine what you’re feeding your soul and to watch how it affects you.
Entrainment matters because our souls matter. What we put in us directly impacts what flows from us. What do you want to flow from your life? After you’ve identified that, feed it accordingly.
Parents, here are a couple practical ways to go about this with your children:
- Have this talk conversationally, not authoritatively. Ask your kids what they’re watching currently, why they like it and what they take away from it. If your child is unwilling, Netflix and Hulu will show you. Having this talk conversationally will go over much better. If you have to limit their access to a certain show or put certain rules in place about what you do and don’t want them watching, explain to them why. As parents, it can be easy to make “because I said so” our default response but be deliberate about explaining your decision. Even if your children disagree with your decision, they’ll know your stance is coming from a place of love.
- Have parental controls activated on your tv’s and devices. The best way to overcome temptation is to avoid it all together. You’ll be minimizing your child’s temptation by helping them avoid having access to what you deem unhealthy. All electronic devices come with parental controls for a reason now, use them.
- Watch tv with them. This not only ensures that you are aware of what they’re watching but it’s also an easy path to quality time. Perhaps even find a show or series that you guys can enjoy together to create a common interest.
Your window of influence as a parent begins to minimize when your children move out. Don’t let important conversations like these go unsaid.
Chris Davis Blog 