Readjusting Church Culture

By now you’ve most likely heard about the tragically sad story of Andrew Stoecklein. For those unfamiliar, Andrew was a lead pastor in California that battled depression and anxiety. To the shock of his family and church, Andrew took his own life on August 24 2018.

I’ve been heavy hearted and tearful since the news broke. I don’t know Andrew anymore than I’m related to Beyonce but this still impacted me far more than I thought it would. Why?

This isn’t supposed to happen to pastors.

If we were honest, many of us had this thought or one similar to it. It’s the reason why this story was received so much publicity and has gone viral.

We’ve reached a place in church culture where pastors have been placed on pedestals. They’re expected to be entertaining, engaging, theologians, comedians, counselors, etc. They’re expected to be many things, except human. In Andrews own words he states how he felt in ministry: “You know the nature of the role (of pastoring) these days, with social media and the spotlight.. we had a lot of stalkers”. Stalkers? Who has stalkers? Celebrities, athletes, royalty… but a pastor? The position of pastoring was never meant to be one of fame and fan fair. This mentality has become a cyclical process of destruction. People praise pastors rather than God so they begin to build God-like expectations of pastors. Then pastors begin to crave the attention and the spotlight because, who are we kidding.. it feels good. We lift someone up, they let us down, we move on to the next one, the process continues. 

Andrew shares that the stalking got to the point where his family and his mom had to sell their homes. He says the stalkers were the tipping point of a downward 7 month spiral that eventually led to a panic attack that left him crippled on the bathroom floor.

After the panic attacks began, Inland Hills gave Andrew a nearly 4 month sabbatical to receive help. During this course of time Kayla, Andrews wife begged him not to return to pastoring. She saw the weight it put on her husband. “During this season of rest I’ve asked him over and over again “Are you sure? You don’t have to be a pastor. Are you sure? You can go be whatever you want to be, we could go live wherever we want to live, we could go to Texas and buy a big house” said Kayla. Andrew insisted on returning to the church and said he had to follow his calling, Kayla eventually agreed.

Through all of the pressure, anxiety and depression Andrew returned to pastoring because of his conviction of his calling and his love for his congregants. Kayla said “you guys, he loves this place so much, he didn’t want to stop. He would’ve kept on going, and going and going. It would’ve cost him his life”. Unfortunately now we know that it did.

I’ve been grieving ever since this story broke. I currently serve as a youth pastor in Baltimore and the thought of another pastor feeling this way is unbearable. But Andrew is just one man. My fear is that this culture we’ve created in churches has boxed in many others that feel the same as Andrew but their stories may not go viral. We have to correct this trend before it claims more lives.

I just wanted to share a couple brief thoughts on what we can all do to change course:

1. Pastors are people – This story has spread so quickly because of the initial “this isn’t supposed to happen to a pastor” shock. The reality is that thought already shows a skewed mentality that elevates a person above their humanity because of their title. Pastors are people and as such will inevitably have seasons of difficulty they need to work through. They shouldn’t feel forced to hide them because of “what people might think”.
2. Pastors aren’t superheroes, they need help – Too many times pastors are forced to take on more than they can handle because they aren’t able to find people to share responsibilities with. Running a church is a lot work, discipling people is a lot of work, checking up on other is a lot of work. No matter what church you go to, I can guarantee you right now that your pastor could use your help! Lightening the load on your pastors shoulders is one of the greatest ways you can help them. Many hands make light work.
3. Pastors aren’t superior – Being on a stage doesn’t make you superior. Holding a microphone doesn’t make you superior. In the church, titles don’t even make you superior. This point is equally important for pastors and congregants to remember. We are many parts but one body. Scripture doesn’t elevate one calling over another. Each person, each gift, each position is uniquely important in completing the picture and purpose of the church. View your pastor as your neighbor, not your boss. Pastors, view your congregants as your friends, not your children.
4. Give room for grace – Church is the one place where it should be okay to not be okay. From a hurting pastor to a lost and broken first time guest, church should be the place where we allow other to see us as we are. There’s no healing on facades, only in openness. In order to treat a wound, you have to first be willing to let it be exposed. It’s time for the church to make room for grace again. Stop acting like you’ve got it all together because regardless of what your social media reflects, we’ll all need the help of others at some point. This is what the church is meant to be

Jesus said “It’s not the healthy that need a doctor, but the sick”. The irony in that statement though is there there are no “healthy”. We’re all “sick” and in need of help. It’s my prayer that the local church can be that place of healing where even the pastor can say “I need help” and receive it without being scorned for not living up to a pedestal that we’ve created.

I’m deeply sorry if anyone reading this is thinking “too soon”. My intention isn’t to disrespect Andrew or his family but rather to start dialogue on this before this trend of toxic church culture claims anyone else.